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school full time, and taking care of her son was too much, and she started to fail out of nursing school.
Lisa was put on academic probation and had to attend an intensive learning camp in order to be
readmitted to the program. During that learning experience, she realized that the major reason she had
failed was that she was trying to take care of too many people and meet too many needs. After that
realization, she confronted her mother, explaining that the long hours and struggle to provide financial
support for her mother was too much and that she would not be able to do it any longer. Her mother
was extremely angry and said many hurtful things to her, even making threats to cause trouble for her
if she didn’t continue paying the money. Lisa knew that her mother probably could make life more
difficult for her, especially if she convinced other family members to have nothing to do with Lisa.
When she came in the next day, she was emotionally drained and feeling hopeless. An instructor sat
down with her and they talked at length.
Instructor:
Who is the most important person to you?
Lisa:
My son.
Instructor:
Who is going to help him become the high-quality person you want him to become?
Lisa:
Me.
Instructor:
How are you going to make this happen?
Lisa:
By becoming a nurse.
Instructor:
Who has the power to make that happen?
Lisa:
Me.
Instructor:
So what changes do you need to make in order to make that happen?
Lisa:
Stop trying to take care of my mom through working those hours and find other sources
of emotional support.
Talking to her instructor didn’t change the world. It didn’t make Lisa’s mother into a different person,
and it didn’t automatically solve anything. But the interlude did help Lisa see clearly that she was the
only person who knew what mattered most and who could do what was necessary to keep that priority
straight.
Scenario Two
Jordan was the youngest of three boys and was always considered the baby of the family. Both of his
parents babied him much more than his brothers, helping him whenever possible. His older brothers
were five and seven years older, talented athletes, charming, and well-liked and respected by family,
friends, neighbors, teachers, and the community in general. They won just about every award the
school gave, from perfect attendance to perfect citizenship, both earning straight As. The shadows
they cast were wide and long and often completely eclipsed Jordan. He knew that to follow in their
footsteps, he’d have to be perfect, whether in speaking out in public, writing an essay for school, or
playing the piano. This anxiety was nearly incapacitating. Jordan took a tremendous amount of time
to write anything, needing it to be perfect before he was even willing to commit it to paper. He also
became very quiet, not wanting to speak out until he was 100% sure of everything he was going to say.
As for playing the piano, he would lock himself in the music room, constantly practicing by himself
until he had learned each section perfectly before letting anyone in. In an attempt to help him be
successful, his father took charge in Jordan’s first writing course, editing and rewriting his essays. His
instructor realized a great deal of what was happening and began to intervene, challenging Jordan to
change his attitude about perfection. The first assignment was for Jordan to express himself by writing