When starting a new performance, whether a difficult and serious one (a new job or a new course/degree or major project) or one that’s relatively inconsequential (a new hobby or pastime), what most of us need to hear, more than anything else, is that we belong there and that our effort matters. Not how we’re not as effective as we could be or how we can improve.
As our confidence and familiarity with the performance increases, we will no longer need (or want) the affirmation we did at first. Our focus will shift to improving our performance.
It can be tempting, especially when new to a mentoring, teaching, or managing situation, to jump right in and immediately begin trying to help newbie performers improve their performance. Most often, this is because we see their amazing potential and we know that providing them with assessment-based feedback is the best way to help them begin to realize it.
And that’s true; assessment, including identifying Areas for Improvement, is the key to improving performance. But if we can pause in our pursuit of improvement and start by affirming a newbie performer’s presence and engagement, we increase the likelihood that they will stick with the performance long enough to gain the confidence needed to benefit from the assessment-based help we can give.
By starting with affirmation, we’re not patting a performer on the head or making any other kind of empty gesture. Rather, we’re communicating that we see and appreciate what they’re doing and saying very clearly that it matters.
If it doesn’t, what’s the point of our help?
Affirmation is a beautiful thing. Even the sound of this word can be uplifting for others to hear as opposed to ridicule. The use of affirmation can help everybody in their relationships, such as parenting, engaging other people on a day-to-day basis. Try to offer some sincere affirmation to another person and watch their face and body English to see how it is received. As stated in this blog, affirmation can be used by people in many situations. Some people only think about affirmation in leader/subordinate relationships or in peer relationships. It is much better to have affirmation as a communication tool that we use in all of your relationships.