Stop Running and Screaming

When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Herman Wouk

There are a few things less productive than running in circles while screaming and shouting, but not many. When we are full of self-doubt, especially because we’re second guessing a decision or past performance, we’re really just running in circles inside our own head, letting our fears and worry do the screaming and shouting. They usually sound something like this:

• “I totally screwed up X!”
• “It’s so obvious now…I should have done Y instead!”
• “Arrrrgh!! I can’t believe I did Z. How embarrassing!”

The common theme is regret and I wish I had a time machine and a do-over. Add an old dog and you have some really sad country music.

The past is what has passed; it is beyond our ability to pull back into the present in order to change it. What we CAN do is find a way to make peace with it—to stop the running and shouting. This is best done through accepting that it is past and cannot be changed. Running and shouting is a waste of time and energy; no matter how fast you run or loudly you shout today, it doesn’t change yesterday. So stand still and let go of the wish for a do-over. There is consolation to be found in doing that.

But beyond that measure of peace, there is something productive we can do before we let the past go. We can consciously replace our second-guessing with reflection and self-assessment. This allows us to mine the past decision or performance for any information that will help us in the future. We can’t change the past, but we can learn from it so that we do better next time.

When we reflect, we replay the decision or performance as if we’re watching an old movie. We look for information we didn’t have at the time, play “What if?”, and gather any Insights. When we self-assess, we decide on the criteria we’ll use (what we’ll look at) and then do what we can to collect and measure any evidence. Based on that evidence, we can determine the Strengths of our decision or performance and what Improvements we can make—not on the past—but in the future.

It’s a lot less exhausting and a lot more productive and cheerful than where we started, even if we do add the dog.