When we feel like someone is trolling us, pushing our buttons, or getting under our skin, we generally stop responding and start reacting. When that happens, we have let go of metacognition (awareness of one’s own thinking and processing) and even meta-awareness (having a sense of oneself). There’s a reason that rage is referred to as “blind”, after all. When we feel provoked and angry, it’s is so easy to say (or do) things we’ll regret later.
The best thing we can do when we feel we’re under emotional attack is short out the input-reaction circuit. We can refuse to react to negative input by walking away or remaining silent. Or even putting our fingers in our ears and shouting “LALALALALA!” Those are all effective—if temporary—ways to keep ourselves from reacting negatively; doing any of them keeps Input X from leading to Reaction Y. The intent behind Input X is far less important than how we choose to act. Once we truly realize Input X doesn’t have to lead to Reaction Y, we’re free to rewire that circuit any way we like.
We’re can be in control of how it works!
Here’s how I’m rewiring that circuit:
While it might look like I’m receiving negative input when someone is provoking me, what I’m really doing is working ON myself, in my Super Secret Growth and Improvement Laboratory (Shhh!). This is where things happen…it’s where I go to do the serious work on myself. And when I’ve finished an upgrade, securing everything back in place, this is where I test the improvements I’ve made and make sure that things are working as they should.
So, when that jerk of a neighbor who insists on sharing random criticism does their thing, I can see and hear them, but I’m really in the lab. Their words will help me test my metacognitive awareness and rational response systems! No matter the origin of the negative input, whether it’s a familiar nemesis (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), random stranger, passive-aggressive relative, etc., it’s all worth its weight in gold when I’m working on developing things like patience and equanimity. And maintaining my sense of proportion and humor!
You can build your own Super Secret Growth and Improvement Laboratory. Then when your buttons are being pushed, remember that this is exactly the kind of input you’ve been waiting for, ever since you installed your new Unwillingness to Respond in Anger 2.0 module. Engage that new system and see how it works!
