In Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There, Lewis Carroll shares an interaction between the White Queen and Alice. The White Queen tries to hire Alice, offering “Two pence per week and jam every other day.” Alice explains that she isn’t looking for a job and doesn’t want jam today anyway. The White Queen responds that Alice couldn’t have jam today, even if she wanted it:
“The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today.”
Alice is sure that this means that there will be jam the next day, but no, insists the queen. Because, of course, it’s NEVER jam TODAY.
The phrase, “Never jam today” is quite popular in England, where people use it to talk about promises made that are never kept such as, “Within a decade, we will have inexpensive, nationwide, high-speed trains!”
Whether we call it the “Protestant Work Ethic” or “work before play” (or any of many other formulations), the idea that work should take precedence, with any jam (rewards, playtime, relaxation, enjoyment) coming later, is so much a part of our shared culture that many of us are not even aware of how deeply ingrained it is. It tells us to feel guilty if we eat dessert before our vegetables, both literally and metaphorically. If we’re not doing our best on every task while at work, and continually striving to take care of our health, our home, our neighborhood, our planet, and all our relationships (being the best parent, sibling, friend, adult child, neighbor, citizen possible), why then we must be lazy and don’t deserve jam. At least not yet. Not until the work is done. Unfortunately, we often move our own goalposts:
- I’ll have some jam after I finish my dissertation…. after I make associate professor… when I’m tenured…after I retire…
- I’ll have time for jam when the kids aren’t so little… when they’re in school… when they’ve gone to college … when they don’t need me anymore… when the grand kids are older…
- I’m saving jam for when I finish my degree… after I find a good job… when I’ve settled down and started a family… when the credit cards are paid off… when the house is paid for… when I’m not so busy taking care of my aging parents…
But if we want a life that is enjoyable and where we take care of ourselves for the long haul, then we’ve got to find time for jam today. If we refuse to pause and recognize how much we have done and celebrate it with a bit of jam, REGARDLESS of how much we still need to do, then we are little better than a mule pulling a plow on the field of our goals. The point is QUALITY of life…not PRODUCTIVITY of life. Increasing the quality of our lives doesn’t mean giving up on being productive. But it does mean understanding the idea of balance and enjoying the little things.
What’s more, the people who love us and whose happiness is inextricably connected to our own benefit when we make time for jam today. Think about the people you love: Don’t you enjoy a kind of jam-by-association when they have jam? Doesn’t it do your heart good when they have jam today?
There will always be work to be done. Always.
Having a bit of jam doesn’t change that; but it can change us.
