They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. If so, then the cement between those paving stones is the tired disappointment we feel with ourselves when we let go of our good intentions.
There are a couple of strategies that can help keep us from doing too much paving and instead following through on our good intentions.
1) The first step is to catch yourself in the moment of choice—when it’s put on the jogging shoes and head to the gym or roll back over and get another 30 minutes sleep—having a second serving or stepping away from the table—reaching out to a friend or family member to thank them or just letting it go—running a load of laundry or pushing the new bunch of dirties firmly into the hamper…
2) At that moment of choice, ask yourself “What would my future self do?” Your future self is who you will be after all the hard self-improvement work you’re in the middle of right now. Listen to your future self. They know what choices make for the person you want to be. Let them decide this one for you because they know better and aren’t ready with all the small excuses and preferences the current you has (…but I’m tired, I’m still hungry, I just don’t feel like it, etc.).
3) When you’ve made the choice they recommend and finish any related actions, take a good hard look at why you were going to avoid doing the thing that future you told you to do. Then reflect on how you feel as a result of the choice and actions. (Surprise! It felt good, didn’t it?)
4) Finally, consider how best to bring yourself a little closer to the future you, when faced with these moments of choice. Sometimes it’s as simple as giving yourself a rule instead of a recurring choice: Exercise on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Laundry every Tuesday. A “Thank You” within 24 hours of any kindness/gift/favor. And so on. You’ll be strengthening your self-regulation skills, but also making some plans that will make you a little bit more like your future self.
Future you is an amazing person.
They’re also pretty invested in your future, so you can probably trust their advice.
