Darling, you got to let me know
The Clash
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I’ll be here ’till the end of time
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
We’re all familiar with this feeling of frustrated helplessness (“you got to let me know”) that accompanies waiting for someone else to make a decision that dictates what will happen to us, determines what we must do, and affects how happy we’ll be.
We make choices on the basis of our values. Others do the same. And just as we would not want others to insist we share their values, we cannot insist that they share ours. What we can do is step up and accept that a big part of being responsible for the quality of our own life is owning our decisions (and their consequences) and allowing others to do the same.
This is rarely neat and easy; no man is an island, after all, and almost every decision we make affects others as well. So we must figure out who is affected by the choices we make and recognize that their involvement means we owe them some degree of consideration; we should be aware of their preferences, listening to their desires and wishes. This consideration is mutual: When someone else must make a decision that affects us, we want them to know that what they decide matters to us and what our preferences are.
So, while it will never get the same sort of traction in the musical world, more healthy lyrics would be,
“Darling, let’s talk about what we both want
Then accept ownership of the decisions we both make.”
It may be awful as lyrics go, but it IS the saner approach to decisions, relationships, and how we can best attend to the quality of life for ourselves and those we care about.
