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L
EARNING
TO
L
EARN
: B
ECOMING
A
S
ELF
-G
ROWER
393
E
XPERIENCE
13: C
HOOSING
AND
U
SING
M
ENTORS
E
FFECTIVELY
RESOURCE
Sandra Finds a Mentor
As Sandra worked through the Personal Development Methodology, she realized that she
also had a need for some academic and personal mentoring. She was truly struggling to
cope with several of the stressors in her life and hoped that she could learn to perform
without so much anxiety and frustration. She identified two potential mentors for the
current semester: the veterans counselor, Bob Miller, and her English instructor, Dr.
Greyson. While both have been happy to talk with her about academic concerns, she
was unsure if Dr. Greyson would be comfortable or willing to engage with some of
the personal issues Sandra was experiencing, largely due to her return to civilian life
and some of the lasting effects of her injuries, both of which really are part of what she
hoped to work on dealing with more effectively. Ultimately, she decided to approach Dr.
Greyson after class and ask about her availability and interest in a mentoring relationship.
To Sandra’s surprise, Dr. Greyson (“Please call me Joan”) was delighted to help. As Joan
explained,
“Not only am I truly interested in your academic welfare and want to help you continue
on your very successful journey there, my father was in the military, and I grew up familiar
with many aspects of military life. I’ve seen him struggle and overcome so many challenges,
especially related to his health as he’s gotten older. He has had to work incredibly hard,
but he was always willing to sit and talk to me when I was younger, letting me know that
even
when things were difficult and there was pain, it was all still OK. One of his favorite sayings is, “This too, shall
pass.” He’d say that we just have to hold on right now and do the job in front of us. I like to think that he taught
me how to do that — how to not give up and to keep a sense of perspective when things seem darkest, and to
believe without a doubt that the sun will shine again. I truly hope that I can share some of that with you, Sandra.
You haven’t told me much, but your request to sit at the front of the class due to the injury to your hearing told
me some, and your heartfelt essay on leadership earlier in the semester told me more. Why don’t we meet at my
office, during my office hours tomorrow or Friday and lay out a plan for what you’d like to accomplish?”
Sandra was incredibly touched and felt the knot in her stomach begin to let go. She thanked Joan profusely,
and they agreed to meet on Friday, so that Sandra would have some time to reflect on her goals for the
mentoring relationship.
When they met on Friday, Sandra and Joan spoke at length about Sandra’s goals, both for this term, as well as
in the future. After sorting through what they both felt Joan could help most with, they agreed that Sandra’s
goals of learning to recognize and appreciate her own progress, even if it wasn’t yet as fast or strong as she
had hoped, was probably the top priority.
“After all,” remarked Joan, “if you don’t recognize that you’re growing, it becomes fatally easy to get
angry or frustrated and either give up or lose perspective. Sometimes we grow a little bit at a time, and it’s
tough to see any progress at all. High achievers or very Type A people tend to focus so intently on the end or
goal that they lose all sense of proportion and even a small stumble can feel like complete failure. It seems to
me that’s one of the issues you’re dealing with.”
Sandra agreed, wholeheartedly.
They agreed to a plan that included Sandra completing personal reflections each week and assessing her
performance. Joan suggested that Sandra strive to name 3 Strengths for every Area for Improvement on these
self-assessments. Sandra chuckled, understanding exactly what Joan was getting at. Sandra’s tendency to be
very self-critical meant that her focus was generally on what she had
not
done (or not done well enough)
instead of where and how she had improved and grown.