Page 196 - Foundations of Learning, 4th Edition (Revised)

Coping

“Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is.
The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”

Virginia Satir, American Psychologist and Educator

It is a rare person who does not experience some form of emotional turmoil at some point in his or her
life. Emotional and mental difficulties may simply be due to ineffective coping skills. The result can
be a feeling of walking about in a state of confusion, or doubting one’s ability to deal with situations
and surroundings. Developing good coping skills forms the foundation for emotional stability, and
empowers individuals to feel good about how they think and feel as they deal with life’s situations.

Table 7.2 breaks the “coping process” into ten stages that represent various aspects of coping. Each
stage is equally important although not all stages are necessary for every (coping) situation.

Table 7.2 Stages of the Coping Process

Awareness Look about (inside or outside oneself ) and ascertain what exactly happened.
Understanding
Rationalization Describe what happened, how it happened, and why it happened.
Acceptance
Constructively place what happened into a context that works for you.
Change
Inner Strength Acknowledge what is factual. Recognize what has happened and accept that
A Sense of Control you can’t change it. Rid yourself of all the “what-ifs,” thus accepting the situation
to be true.
Positive Attitude
Accept, feel comfortable with, and welcome change as something new.
Caring
Believe in yourself, knowing what you feel and think can be validated.
Selective Focus
Know that ultimately you are in control of your future. You, and no one else but
you, makes the choices and decisions that guide your way.

View the world positively rather than negatively. Focus on the good rather than
the bad side of situations.

Possess the basic belief of the good in humankind. Have faith in your environment,
systems, society, people and share this faith with others.

Understand that we as humans have enormous potential to comprehend and
internalize our external world. As a coping mechanism, we select and focus on
specific areas and aspects (of our lives) which we are best equipped to deal
with emotionally. Based on our value systems, we subconsciously determine
(and prioritize) what we are best able to cope with.

References

Leise, C. (2007). Personal Development Methodology. In S. Beyerlein, C. Holmes, and D. Apple (Project
Directors), Faculty Guidebook. (pp. 482-486). Lisle, Illinois: Pacific Crest.

Harms, V. (2007). Life Coaching: The Heart of Advising. In S. Beyerlein, C, Holmes, and D. Apple
(Project Directors), Faculty Guidebook. (pp. 487-490). Lisle, Illinois: Pacific Crest.

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