Page 292 - Foundations of Learning, 4th Edition (Revised)

5. Clarity of content: The concepts are articulated clearly and each idea is substantiated in a way that
satisfies the conventions of the writer’s discipline or field.
Are supporting points clear?
a. What supporting points are clearly expressed?

Abby made a strong case by using the point that the campus is a “commuter campus”. This paper
is a general writing assignment, so the only conventions that apply are for general college-level
writing.

b. What points need more clarification?

If Abby does more research, as mentioned above, that should help make all her points clear.

6. Logical development: The flow of the argument or thesis builds on evidence to a meaningful conclusion;
there are no fallacies or unsubstantiated inferences based on faulty premises.
Is the essay organized to flow logically?
a. In what ways is the essay organized to flow logically?

It’s good that Abby starts with the problem, and the costs for parking individual students pay
is a strong way to “put a face on the issue,” as our teacher suggests. It’s also good that she then
presents possible solutions and a conclusion.

b. What could be done to make the essay more logically organized?

The idea that our students stay in the state is not clearly connected to the topic. Is that to
suggest that the state or the city should give money for students’ expenses for college over and
above tuition?

7. Analysis of the competing ideas/perspectives: The author shares a set of opposing and conflicting
perspectives and shows how these relate to the thesis. (Note: this does not necessarily apply to all forms
of writing; persuasive or argumentative essays may handle competing ideas differently.)
Does the writer acknowledge competing viewpoints?
a. Does the writer introduce, address, or otherwise acknowledge alternative viewpoints or
arguments?

Abby does admit that we have a lot of parking and that it’s nice to have a shuttle from the
school to the parking lot, but that’s about it for competing perspectives. This goes back to the
“us against them.” Our teacher cautioned us against using “ad hominem” or “against the person”
arguments. That seems to be what Abby is doing a bit here.

b. Could the writing be made stronger by the introduction of alternative points of view? How?

Talk to the people in charge at the college and to more students. Doing the extra research
on other commuter colleges might how that they have the same problems and that it’s not a
personal slight here. If it is “personal,” you need to prove that.

8. Synthesis: Concepts are supported with evidence, analyzed, and integrated; solutions are woven together
in a powerful summary.
Does the writer synthesize or bring together concepts and evidence into a summary?

286 Foundations of Learning