Page 293 - Foundations of Learning, 4th Edition (Revised)

a. In what way does the writer demonstrate a synthesis of concepts and evidence to produce a
summary?

Abby asked for feedback on her conclusion, so she guessed she didn’t have a strong synthesis.
She seems to be going off on a tangent at the end, what our instructor called a “red herring.”

b. How might the writer further strengthen the synthesis of concepts and evidence leading to a
summary?

All the suggestions we’ve given above would give Abby more to work with at the end:
synthesize the real problems, and the complexities of the problems and solutions. We DO
support her on this topic, though. It would be great to have some solutions!

9. Mechanics of writing: The format, presentation, and style of writing match the expectations of the
intended audience; it is accurate, appropriately structured, and grammatically correct.
How does the writing itself add to or detract from the writer’s overall purpose?
a. Give two examples of especially well-phrased and nicely written sentences.

These two sentences work well—the tone and the images connect with students: “We all know
how much it costs to fill up even our little student cars these days. Paying for parking hurts even
more when we feel it is unfair.” Abby’s grammar, punctuation and spelling are not problems.

b. Give two examples where the grammar, punctuation, or sentence structure could be improved.

This sentence is awkward and should really not start with “Well”: “Well, the first thing on
students’ minds these days is money and how much it costs to go to college.” Abby could use
more varied and sophisticated vocabulary in some places, too. Sometimes the paper reads
kind of like a high school paper. The sentence, “This is a very helpful aspect of transportation at
our college, we do have free bus passes if we show our pass and our student ID.” is problematic
in that the comma should be a semicolon and there’s a possible issue with subject-verb
agreement. It’s potentially confusing to use the words “pass” and “passes” in the same sentence.

10. Effective use of Language: Words are used appropriately and defined when necessary to effectively
convey meaning; the writer is careful to minimize unnecessary jargon.
Does the writer use language appropriately?
a. Does the writing include definitions when needed or use language that the intended audience
will understand and appreciate.

The essay is not too technical, so the overall use of language is OK. And, as mentioned, the tone
and the examples really connect with us as students.

b. Could the writing could be made more clear by offering a definition or alternative wording?

See #9b on the “pass”, “passes” clarity problem. Abby said she wanted to send this to the
president, though, so she could work on the style and vocabulary a bit more.

PROCEED TO ACTIVITY 11.2 (page 299) 287

Chapter 11 — Writing in College